Monday, April 25, 2011

Being Creative # 10 - Our Biggest Fears

This is the last of Amisha's topics for us to blog about at Gorgeous and Fun Things  Being Creative Blog Party. It is #10 - our biggest fears. Am I creative enough? Am I good enough? And some more of such big beasties......

For the first question - "Am I creative enough?" - funny, I don't worry too much about that one. I have a strongly held belief that every person is creative - because we were all creative as children. It is more about uncovering or rediscovering our creativity. If you ever used crayons to sketch a picture in Kindergarten or built a castle with Legos, or created a playhouse out of leaves, twigs and pine straw, etc. - then you are inherently a creative person! We have just become so organized and rigid and accomplishment-oriented in order to survive as adults, that we have smashed down that creative little inner person. So for me, I feel that somewhere deep down inside, there is that little creative person pushing to get out. My job is just to figure out how to relax and play again! So that is not a fear that I struggle with.

Next is "Am I good enough?" - Again, I don't worry about that one either, because I just don't care if anyone else likes what I do. I just do it for myself and try to have fun. My enjoyment comes from experimenting, learning and occasionally liking the outcome. It makes me happy to just be doing something creative and expressing myself in a way that I haven't used in many years. I haven't been published, and frankly, I don't think that I have anything unique enough or good enough to get published. But maybe someday, I might, if I keep on giving myself permission to continue exploring and practicing and playing. But for right now, it is just about the personal enjoyment. So that is not a fear I struggle with either.

Ahhh, but there is one big, bad beast that I do struggle with often, and that is the big GUILT word. I struggle hugely with feeling guilty about taking time just for myself to do something that is just for me and is purely for enjoyment. I'm not selling, accomplishing, performing, cleaning, helping others or whatever else I feel that I "ought" to be doing. Instead of cooking dinner or grading papers, I might just be playing in my little creative spot - and often I feel guilty! My heart races and I start to feel anxious, like the housekeeping police are going to come and arrest me! I am thankful that my dear husband continues to encourage and affirm me in my creative efforts. However, he is a type-A personality that is ALWAYS accomplishing something, so I feel inferior to him. He tells me over and over that I should not feel that way, but that is my biggest fear, I think. And that is that I will not be accomplishing something "meaningful".

To overcome this, I have set a goal that I will be creative at least 20 minutes every day. I have been faithful to that and I am starting to shove down the Guilt monster.

And the other monster I deal with is the "too much stuff" monster. I feel like I am a hoarder of stuff - I have such a huge collection of supplies and ephemera and magazines and books. This summer I plan to whittle down my stash in a significant way, because truly, it becomes a hindrance to being creative. My dad was a true hoarder of stuff, so I want to be careful not to let my stuff overwhelm me. This is where there is a line you walk between seeing the beauty and usefulness of every little thing and not saving so much that you can't find anything or have a place to actually create. Hence my goal of decluttering my stash as soon as school is out. I hope to share my wealth with others and throw away the junk!

Lastly, I will share with you my latest creation. I actually just love this one. It contains a picture of my very creative Grandmother and my son when he was very little. She was a great inspiration to me and one of my greatest cheerleaders.  I made a color copy of the photo and added it to one of my altered book/art journals.

The right hand page is actually not completed, but I have done the layers in the same colors so that the two pages will be unified and coordinated.

Mamaw, Me and Ryan

I want to thank Amisha over at Gorgeous and Fun Things for hosting this blog party and for giving us really thought-provoking things to blog about. Her Mr. Linky is going to stay open so you can still join in the fun by just posting something that you have done creative. I love that it can be anything without a time table or format. Hop over and see what she has going on and say hello!
Being Creative Blog Party

1 comment:

Amisha said...

Hi Tricia,
Gorgeous, gorgeous journal page!

And using your own personal memory in the journal makes it so much more fun.

And I am glad that I am not the only one who worries about hoarding. Since I live in a small space, that is kept in check. But I grew up in an environment to never waste anything so I do care about that.