"Maidens will dance and be glad."
“Then maidens will dance and be glad, young men and old as well. I will turn their mourning into gladness; I will give them comfort and joy instead of sorrow.” Jeremiah 31:13I want to have the freedom to record the realities of my life, to remove the mask and open myself up to at least myself and also to God. But that is a pretty scary proposition. People, even the church, can be so judgemental and unforgiving and eager to gossip, that it makes me want to just curl up into a ball and ignore the outside world. I need a safe place to be me and to share my struggles. I wonder if others feel the same way.
In many ways, because of all the hurt and dysfunction in my growing up years, and in my subsequent adult life, I have a heart for the hurting and can be very accepting of the hurting and the downtrodden. This is a blessing. But the curse that often comes along with that is the propensity to be easily hurt by others. And I can often be quite judgmental of those who have, or pretend to have, it all together. I am also quite judgmental and harsh on myself, accepting too much responsibility for what happens and kicking myself when things don't turn out perfectly.
Ughhh....this is the "me" I have come to know. I am trying to learn to trust in God's love for me without condition or performance. I have it in my head - now to get it transferred to my brain.
Hopefully, someday I'll be able to take off the mask.......
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